“Surprise Me”: What No Bartender Wants To Hear

When you order a drink, you should have at least a notion of what you want in mind.

Has anyone ever gone to a restaurant, looked at the menu, handed it back to the waiter, said, “Surprise me,” and left it at that with no further direction? No, because that would be crazy.

So why do so many people do it when they order a cocktail? I hear it constantly, especially when I am trying to produce a dozen other drinks with nano precision.

The only thing better than this line is the one when I pour them a Love Bite and they exclaim, “Wow this is amazing! I have never tasted anything like this before...oh...my...you didn't put mango in this did you? Because I'm deathly allergic to mango!”

If you're old enough to enjoy alcohol, shouldn't you also be old enough to mention something as important as potentially life ending or altering ingredients when ordering items to be ingested?

First of all, I can't believe the sheer number of people who are allergic to so many things these days. In the 1930s, no one was allergic to raw pineapple, mango juice, or peanuts. Why are there so many now? And why don't these people look after their own well being instead of relying on others to guess their life ending edible nemeses? Seriously people, grow up and open your mouths!

I actually had to start telling all my staff this past summer to ask people if they were allergic to mango when making cocktails at martini bars we did special events at, even when the drink menu lists ingredients in bold letters.

I am tired of people placing the onus for their own safety on the general public. We are not toddlers wandering around on wobbly feet in such a state of constant awe with everything that is shiny that we cannot properly consider our own well-being. I'm a mixologist, not a public health psychic dammit! (to paraphrase a certain Star Trek character.)

It's true that I have asked a bartender to surprise me before, but I have always set out a few guidelines first, like, “Pour me anything with vodka, but please no gin. Maybe make it light tasting.” Done. Please, give some guidance to your cocktail creator. Everyone knows how they like their meat cooked when they order, so they should know how they like their cocktail.

In short, when you order a drink, know what you want, or at least a rough outline, even if it's only the shadow of the shadow of its platonic form. And if your body is adverse to a particular ingredient, speak up before you have to reach for your EpiPen!