A Census For Our Times

Because Canada's New Governmentâ„¢ knows that you don't have the time or inclination to answer so many questions about yourself, here is a simplified alternative.

Introducing the new Canadian Super-Short EZ Census Form. Brought to You By Canada's New Governmentâ„¢, Canadian Tire, and Syncrude

Canada's New Governmentâ„¢ understands that Canadians no longer want their government prying into their private lives. Industry, academics, and various public-interest groups think they have the right to access sensitive information, such as your income, age, and gender. They keep talking about how vital this information is for planning and policy, but we in Canada's New Governmentâ„¢ know that less information means more efficiency by reducing tedious, wasteful research and debate.

Our new Super-Short EZ Census consists solely of multiple-choice questions to cut down on the time Canadians waste telling their government about themselves. We have cut out all those needless, intrusive queries and focused on the issues that are most important to Canadians. Please answer the following honestly. Or don't! We care deeply about Canadians' right to privacy.*

 1. Stephen Harper is:

  a) A great prime minister b) Our greatest prime minister c) Unfairly treated by the liberal media

 2. Our household lives in:

  a) Alberta b) One of the annoying provinces

 3. The economy is:

  a) My top priority b) The only issue that really matters c) Doing terrific under the capable leadership of Stephen Harper

 4. Our household generally votes for:

  a) Canada's New Governmentâ„¢ b) Those sleazy Liberals c) The socialists d) The separatists e) The hippies

 5. Canada's New Governmentâ„¢ is investing billions in our military to protect Canadians. I think this is:

  a) A great investment b) Necessary and long overdue c) I hate the troops

 6. Canada's New Governmentâ„¢ is investing billions in new jails to protect Canadians. I think this is:

  a) A great investment b) Necessary and long overdue c) I am a criminal

 7. The oil sands development is:

  a) Canada's most important economic engine b) Totally environmentally friendly c) I am a hippie who hates progress and loves taxes

 8. Our annual household income would be categorized as:

  a) Rich b) Very rich c) Pretty low now that we live in the Kenney block of the Harper/RBC Mega Jail for Socialists, Separatists, and Hippies

 9. Taxes are:

  a) Stupid b) Lame c) Something Liberals are totally in gay love with! LOL!

 10. Bureaucrats who quit their posts to protest our decisions are:

  a) Crybabies b) Elitists c) Liberals

• Offer not valid if you are a dirty protestor