True intimacy requires more effort than a two-sentence update via smartphone.
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Dr. Rachna Jain takes your questions all day today, Friday, August 5, on The Mark’s Facebook page. Join the conversation here.
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When I wrote my first article on social media and human relationships, I was not expecting the volume of response I received. It seemed the article touched a chord with all those utilizing and investing in social media. Here, I would like to dig a bit deeper into three of the points I put forth about social media and relationships: true intimacy versus digital intimacy; social-media contagion; and how social media can increase our feelings of jealousy and envy.
Let’s consider true intimacy versus digital intimacy first. One of the hallmarks of social media is the ease of information sharing. We can post status updates in the form of play-by-play reports about what we’re doing, where we’re going, who we are meeting with, and what we are talking about. We can offer updates on what we eat, what we see, and what we experience in real time. 
While each of these status updates has a place in creating and maintaining our online personas, the truth is that if you are sitting at lunch with a good friend, but constantly updating your status on Facebook, you’re trading real-life intimacy for digital intimacy.
It is important to strike a balance – to invest in the people in front of you when you are with them, and not put them in the backseat so you can regale your Facebook and Twitter networks with updates about things that you’re reporting on, but perhaps not truly experiencing. There is something to the idea of being present to experiences as they occur, and not constantly curating them for the enjoyment and interest of others. True intimacy requires more effort than a two-sentence update via smartphone. The technology should not be a substitute for real-life experiences and the creation of meaningful real-life relationships.
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Listen to our interview with Angie Jackson, who Tweeted her abortion, here.
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The next issue, that of social-media contagion, refers to the notion that ideas, moods, and behaviours are transmitted between those who spend time together. While the original research studied offline networking, my research suggests that this principle might apply to online networking, as well. We are naturally influenced by, and biased towards, those with whom we spend the most time. Since more than 67.3 per cent of people [in the U.S.] are using social networks, it is reasonable to presume that most of us are connecting and interacting with many people online whom we might not otherwise have a chance to meet.
I’ve even noticed that I sometimes get breaking news through Facebook first – and, often, this news is filtered through the contact who is sharing it. So, in essence, I’m being influenced by people’s perceptions of the news before I’ve had a chance to read or absorb it myself. With the ever-increasing pace of information transfer, and the increasing risks of information overload, it won’t be long before we will all be searching for ways to filter and screen more efficiently. One way we will do that is through social decision-making, a process by which we’ll use the recommendations and opinions of friends as a way to rapidly make good decisions for ourselves. This, in turn, means our friends and connections will have even more say in how we view the world and what we respond to.
Finally, the third issue, social-media competition, refers to the concept that, as we learn more about each other’s lives, we find more to envy or compete with. In the past, for example, we might have shared photos from a great vacation within our network of close family and friends. Now, so conveniently, we can share our vacation photos with everyone we are connected to on social networks, which means that more people share in that experience with us. Unfortunately, the more that people see beautiful photos of vacations, or happy couples, etc. – even if they are not posted by people that they are particularly close to – the more they are likely to develop feelings of envy and jealousy.
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Are we losing something by abandoning CDs for MP3s? Check out the debate here.
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It is important to recognize that envy and jealousy are normal emotions. But they could be activated more than usual by spending too much time with social media. It’s vital to remember that a lot of what you read about a person on a social-networking site is likely crafted – at least in some way – to present a desired image. So, as a reader, you are getting a somewhat polished image of that person, even when it seems he or she is being authentic and transparent. It makes sense that people would want to manage and shape their reputations in this way. For the reader or audience, however, it becomes harder to identify what is really the truth and what is not.
As humans, we’re predisposed to feel that the “grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” The question we must ask is, “Is it, really?”
While there are many benefits to social media – I’m an early, and enthusiastic, adopter – I also believe that we must be aware of some of the potential challenges or pitfalls that come with it. It’s important to invest in real-life, face-to-face relationships because, at the end of the day, these are the people who will comfort, support, and cheer you on when the computer or smartphone turns off for the night.
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Dr. Rachna Jain takes your questions all day today, Friday, August 5, on The Mark’s Facebook page. Join the conversation here.
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