Cocktails' Revenge

Tips on how to avoid – or, if necessary, cure – a hangover.

There are countless theories on how one develops a hangover, and just as many on how to avoid them. Among the hypotheses are many myths, but below are a few facts that I have gleaned in my years spent working at and frequenting fine drinking establishments, such as the one from which I write this column: the Slopeside Bar and Grill at the bottom of Steamboat Mountain, in Steamboat, Colorado.

1. If you drink long enough you will get one.
2. It doesn't matter if you mix your spirits. That has absolutely no effect on your physical well being. Mixing, however, is usually both a cause and a consequence of a great night. It is not the act of mixing – it is what leads you to mix, and what mixing leads you to do – that brings on the hangover.
3. It doesn't matter how many times your vodka is distilled; if you drink the bottle, you will get a hangover. However, filtration and distillation are used to get out the wee nasty bits in alcohol, like conjoiners and esters that give you the symptoms associated with a hangover. Generally the clearer the liquid the less intense its hangover-causing power (red wine and bourbon are famously rough in this respect).
4. Shooters will definitely help to get your head pounding the next day. This is because most people drink liqueur-based shooters that are loaded with sugar. It's a simple equation: high sugar intake plus dehydration equals a very bad hangover. Also, it is never the last shot that puts you over the line; it was the dozen before that.

If, however, you ignore all of the above, and end up with a hangover, below are several tips for getting rid of it. Now, because I generally manage to avoid painful mornings after, I decided to seek the advice of the après ski set at the Slopeside.

1. Popsicles: The cold in your mouth helps you to hydrate with flavour and you really aren't eating anything substantial so you won't get the “I really shouldn't have eaten that” feeling.
2. Chocolate milk: This is an odd one, but apparently if you have heart burn and you drink three ounces of the brown moo juice, it will kill the burn in minutes.
3. Hair of the dog: While I wouldn't recommend this if you have to go to work immediately afterwards, it is true that part of your hangover is withdrawal, and often a small dose of the poison that put you in this condition can actually release some of your pain temporarily.
4. Hydration: If you mix together equal parts orange juice, soda water and ruby red grapefruit juice in the biggest glass you can find, filled with ice, you will feel better in no time.
5. A cure for headaches: Take a glass of soda water and add 10 dashes of Angostura bitters. Drink the whole thing in one shot and in minutes the booming will go away.

And as my mother always says, the best cure for a hangover is not to drink! Thanks mom, but that's no fun, and hey, this is what I do for a living!