How to Bring the Cup Back to Canada

The Canadian teams need to play in different divisions if one of them is going to win the Stanley Cup anytime soon.

The most interesting path for Canada to take in reclaiming the Stanley Cup would be secession from the National Hockey League, followed by a series of lawsuits designed to pry the chalice from Gary Bettman’s clammy hands.

But Canadians haven’t had much luck against NHL suits in court. And without the benefit of revenue generated by teams north of the border, there’s a very good chance members of the Atlanta Thrashers would need to find secondary employment at a Coca-Cola bottling plant. And really, who wants to do that to Marty Reasoner?

So with that option off the table, let’s identify something slightly more achievable: Realignment.

Sure, having the Canadiens, Leafs, and Senators clustered in the Northeast Division and the Oilers, Flames, and Canucks in the Northwest Division has its charms. Teams save money on travel and reap a windfall when a rival comes to town.

But the necessity of maintaining divisional rivalries has undercut the chances for Canadian teams to compete for the Stanley Cup. Since the NHL realigned in the 1998-99 season into six divisions, there’s been exactly one season when we came close to seeing all six Canadian franchises compete in the Stanley Cup Playoffs: In 2003-04, with the Edmonton Oilers finishing a mere two points outside of the No. 8 seed in the West.

(Please recall that the NHL’s response to this near-historic moment for Canadian teams was to shut down hockey for a year.)

The East has sent at least two Canadian teams to the playoffs in nine of 11 seasons, but three teams just once. The West has sent two Canadian teams to the playoffs in six of 11 seasons, but never all three teams.

Now, some of this speaks to the struggles of franchises like Toronto and Edmonton during the last decade. But most of it speaks to the NHL’s nefarious plot to have Canadian teams devour each other in the regular season to ensure their numbers are “manageable” in the postseason.

Ah, you say, but what about the Canadian teams that made the Stanley Cup Finals in 2004, 2006, and 2007? Well, they played teams in Florida, North Carolina, and California. The last Canada vs. Canada Stanley Cup Final was back in 1989 between Calgary and Montreal. We haven’t seen a 100 per cent chance of Canadian cuppage since Bush was in office. The first one.

Of course, there were seven Canadian teams in a 21-team league back then, which certainly increased the odds. So make it seven, make it 10, make it Winnipeg and make it Quebec City. Just don’t place them all in the same divisions. If we wanted to see Canadian cannibalism, we’d travel to the Yukon.

(Author’s Note: I have no evidence of cannibalistic activity in the Yukon, but can only assume that a frigid rural area must feature such activities, just as Appalachia does here in the U.S.)